Parent Involvement  |  Get Involved  | Parents and Families  

Oops - We had a problem!
Preventing Problems  | Repairing Relationships | Fixing Problems

Potential Problem Scenario Your 8-year-old child comes home crying, "The teacher wouldn’t let me turn in my paper!  She said it was late!  I gave her your note about how we went away this weekend and it just didn’t get done and to please accept this late assignment… And do you know what SHE said?” - “You tell your mother, I don’t take late assignments. I don’t care where you were. You are furious! You think - "My child ALWAYS does his work and turns it in on time! What kind of response is that? Who does she think she is? I am going to the Principal. No, I'm going to the Area Superintendent!" STOP! Before you knock down the Area Superintendent's Door, read our Problem Solving Steps to a Successful Solution.

Preventing Problems

• Make Your First Interaction Positive. If a parent greets teachers with a warm hello and kind word at open house, they are much more likely to be receptive if approached with a problem.
• Don't Get Angry Before Getting the Facts. Even the most trustworthy child sometimes misconstrues important information; messages are often taken incorrectly resulting in an issue between parents and teachers. Parents and teachers who know different parts of the same story can often resolve issues with an exchange of information.
• Make Direct Communication. Email, call or speak in person with the teacher.  Don’t send messages through your child.
• Don't Go Over their Heads. Teachers are greatly offended when learning about a parental complaint about their class from the principal. Talk to the teacher first, then go to the principal if you don't get satisfaction.
• Remember that Most Teachers Are Sensitive. Teaching is an intensely personal job -- teachers are people who are paid to care about the thoughts and feelings of others. Be tactful when talking to the teacher
• Good teachers welcome dialogue with parents. It gives them a better understanding of their students. Parents have the right to expect periodic updates from teachers and timely notification of academic problems. Remember: In the parent-teacher relationship, like most others, communication is the key.

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How do I repair relationships with a school employee?

You’ve had a problem with a teacher or staff member at your child’s school and despite your best efforts, you have done one or more of the following:

1. Were rude to a staff member on the phone.
2. Yelled during a conference.
3. Wrote a nasty emai.
4. Jumped to conclusions and were offensive to a teacher.
5. Used profanity towards a staff member.
6. Berated a staff member in front of others.

While we are all human and these things happen, once you have exhibited offensive behavior, the staff member who was the target will most likely be on the defensive side the next time they encounter you.

Don’t allow one negative interaction to ruin your desire to communicate with the school.

Remember:  The way you handle situations may affect how staff will approach you in the future.  Dependent on how many kids you have, you may have a long relationship with that school. 

Consider:  If you have two children only two years apart – your relationship with the elementary school will last 8 years!

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Fixing the Problem

If you feel that maybe you overreacted to a situation, you were overly emotional or jumped to conclusions before hearing the whole story, call the person with whom you had the altercation and try framing your concern this way:

Mrs. ___________, I was hoping to talk to you about our last conversation.  I may have overreacted or acted inappropriately by
(identify the behavior).  Please understand that my primary concern is my child and I realize now that you probably feel the same.
Can we start over?

Scenario:
Your child comes home with a referral and 3-day suspension resulting from a fight at school. You learn that your child was merely defending himself but still got suspended.  You call the school and yell at the teacher who wrote the referral. Later, you feel that you reacted to the situation inappropriately but you also feel you’re concern was justified. Recognizing the importance of maintaining communication with the teacher and school, you want to repair the relationship.  Try framing the conversation this way:

Mrs. _____________, we seem to have a difference of opinion.  I feel frustrated with the situation  because __________________.  Nothing was resolved the last time we spoke.  Can we come to an agreement on finding a fair solution to the problem? 
This is what I would like to happen __________________.

*If the teacher is willing to discuss the situation and look for a solution – GREAT!
**If the teacher is unwilling to resolve the issue or you still don’t think te result was fair, make a suggestion that  the two of you meet with a mediator (another teacher, the assistant principal, the principal, etc.)

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